Anxiety Free in 1 Year

An agoraphobic's attempt to free herself from anxiety

And I’m Back

As I said in my last post, I am resuming my challenge now my tribunal and course are out of the way. I have a few updates for you.

Tribunal

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Day 12

Yesterday wasn’t quite as good as it could have been. It started with a letter from the DWP. I am having problems with benefits right now (which I hate being on anyway) hence most of my posts mentioning I have no money. So this letter wasn’t a good one and I got upset and slightly panicky. My dad kind of sorted it out, for now, but I have no idea what’s going on with it.

After that my mum and I took advantage of the fact my aunt and uncle had gone out by catching up on some TV shows we hadn’t had the chance to see.

In the end I ended up only going to the shop around the corner. I was fairly anxiety-free though.

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Day 2

So I didn’t go out today. As I predicted my leg was in a fair amount of pain (still is) so wearing any sort of bottoms was out of the question. This feels like such a cop out and a really lame excuse, but honestly it isn’t. If I were a little more defeatist I would probably take this falling at the first hurdle as a sign. But I won’t. I will go out tomorrow, even if it’s only to the local shop (three minute walk, just about bearable).

While I don’t ‘believe’ in this kind of thing, I do like to read my horoscope from time to time. I read this weekly one in a magazine (Nov 5th – 11th) :

You’re ready to wipe the slate clean and let go of the past. Take any challenges in your stride and keep an open mind.

And this daily one on my phone (Nov 6th):

There is a bright side to a dark situation, Scorpio, but you may not see it. That’s because you have focused so closely on the gloomy aspects of a recent problem that your eyes have begun to see the light. The glare of daylight hurts your eyes because you have grown so accustomed to the darkness. You are almost afraid to hope. But you need to hope, and you need to believe that your challenge is conquerable. Start allowing yourself to gravitate toward signs of hope, because the more positive you become, the faster you will resolve what’s bothering you.

Like I said, I don’t believe in horoscopes so much, but I do think that some things happen for a reason. And that maybe, just maybe, we read a certain horoscope at a certain time because we’re meant to. And if I can find meaning in some vague prediction in a random magazine, who am I hurting?

 

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Day 1 – Nov 5th

So, here I am, at the end of the first day of my challenge. It went well but I did hit a snag.

My goal is to go out (mainly walking somewhere: either to a certain place, or just walking around the streets for a bit) at least once every day. Depending on where I’m going and what I am facing on the day, that is not too difficult. I still get butterflies before a five minute walk around the block, but I’m fairly calm because I know I’m not too far from home and will be relatively ‘safe’.

In doing this I am hoping to gain confidence in being out (in particular alone - though that’s a complicated subject) and lose a bit of weight (and God knows I need to).

So, on to today:  Read the rest of this entry »

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